Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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