$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
