either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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