Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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