I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
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it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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