If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
