everyone is single if you try hard enough
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
