as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
