i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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