I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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