i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize