Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
