The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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