So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
