Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
