Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
