K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
