I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
