i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
