I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
