just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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