how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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