I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
