I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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