he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
