Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
