cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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