be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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