Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Floor bacon is actually really good
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
