It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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