I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
