no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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