I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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