I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
