I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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