Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
