i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
