I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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