He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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