You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
