it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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