actually, I'm a sock model
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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