i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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