thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
