Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
