I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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