And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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