Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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