remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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