If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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