So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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