In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my poor anus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
