evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
