Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize