I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
