What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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