Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
