I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
