Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
