Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
