He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
