The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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