So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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