This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
