Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
