After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
