A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
