i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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