Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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