He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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