Umm I'm too high to move.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
