After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
