Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
