Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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