So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
