I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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