the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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