Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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