It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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